i'm staring out into that vacuum again
the only thing that's alive
from the back porch of my mind
and i start attacking my vodka
i'm all there is
my eyes have turned red as stoplights
stab the ice with a straw
you seem ready to walk
you know i'll call you eventually
when i wanna talk
till then you're invisible cause there's a switch that gets hit
& it all stops making sense.
or the 6th, i'm completely alone at a
table of friends.
i feel nothing for them.
& in the middle of drinks, maybe the 5th
i feel nothing. nothing.
well, i need a break from the city again
I think I'll ship myself back west.
unless that offers expired, i have been less
I got a friend there, she says "hey, any time."
than frequent.
she's under no obligation to indulge every whim
& i'm so ungrateful, i take, she gives &forgives.
& i keep forgetting it.
& each morning she wakes with a dream to
describe, something lovely that bloomed from
for two nightmares of mine. i have some where
her beautiful mind. I said "I'll trade you one
i die. I have some where we all die." I'm thinking of quitting drinking again,
always changing my mind, well, i guess i am.
i know i said that a couple of times. &i'm
but there's this burn in my stomach
& there's this pain in my side.
& when i kneel at the toilet, &the mornings
clean light pours in through the window sometimes i pray i don't die.
sense. there is no right way or wrong way, you
I'm a goddamn hypocrite.
but the night rolls around &it all starts making
just have to live. so i do what i do & at least I
what could mean more?
exist. what could mean more than this?
mean more?
ooh.
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